Jan 22, 2009

Intentional Nut Shot???

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Name: Intentional Self-Inflicted Nutshot
Pain Score: 10 out of 10
Number Of Testicles Shattered: 3
Probable Drug Involved: Cocaine

Ummm...what? Did this kid not have a skateboard? Did he want to field test his new adamantium cup? Look, I feel like I should write pages and pages detailing every single reason this is...just...wrong. But there is no explanation. Why would someone do this? It's a fate worse than death.

Jan 16, 2009

Bambi Nut Shot

Guy Gets Hit In The Nuts By Bambi
Confusion Factor: 9
Antlers Present: None
Score: 6

This one was a bit confusing to me. Either the person videotaping this was the cameraman for The Blair Witch Project or they were high on PCP. Either way, the journey you take through nature and potential shame is hard to make out and just a bit blurry, like my junk. If this one turns out to be real, it could bump up by 3 points. If it's not genuine or exaggerated at all, stick it at a 1 or 2. If that deer had been a 10 point buck, we could have been looking at a nutshot of historical proportions. But it had to be Bambi. Dumb.


Name: Rocket In The Nuts
Number of Nuts Hit: 0
Pain Level: 0 out of 10
Score: -7

Normally I wouldn't waste my time with this, but when someone leads me to believe that there's a nutshot coming and fail to deliver, I feel like a small part of me dies. It's like promising a little kid that you'll take him to Disneyland and then lighting him on fire instead. If you watch this clip closely, the guy standing over the rocket acts like he just took a shot to the jewels, but it actually hits him in the side of the leg. There's no way that guy is hanging that low in his jeans. Unless that guy is me, which it's not. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

"That's no worm..."

Name: Fish Nuts
Humiliation Score: 3 out of 10
Number of Witnesses Offering No Help: 2
Score: 7 out of 10

This one gets points taken away because there's a laugh track, which makes me think that this was on America's Funniest Home Videos. Also, the old guy has his back to the camera, so you can't really see the nut shot. But the slow-mo replay helps out a lot, and the fact that a fish jumped out of a net and hit this dude in the nads is worth a lot.

And it's always nice to see that no matter how old the person getting hit in the nuts is, the other people watching/taping rarely offer any assistance.